shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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