we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
