The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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