my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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