That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
