Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
