pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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