How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
