Apparently you make a good broom.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
