My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
