Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

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(850): View more from Florida

I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

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(206): View more from Washington

I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.

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(972): View more from Texas

I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.

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(831): View more from California

Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

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(469): View more from Texas

Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

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