I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
