I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
