yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
