Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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