it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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