I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
