You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
