pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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