I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
