Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
