peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
