But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
