hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
