Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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