I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
