was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
