Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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