Soap is not a condiment
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
