Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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