Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
