$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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