Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
