You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
