We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
