Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
