Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
