they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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