my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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