Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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