I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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