Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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