Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
