I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
