Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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