she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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