Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
