Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
