guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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