can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
