woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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