You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's shark week go big or go home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
