You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
