Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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