Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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