Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize