I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that