Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.