i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.