I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.