she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.