I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
