my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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