Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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