theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
