I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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