It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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