Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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