Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
