so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
