I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We left the knife in your bed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
