Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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