can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
