I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
