sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
