I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
