Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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