alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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