There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
