I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
