have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
