I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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