dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
