I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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