TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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