i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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