I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't turn off my feet"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize