Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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