she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
